The night I want to stay covered and claimed.

The night I want to stay covered and claimed. Some nights I imagine standing with my back against the wall with my hijab still on, my clothes pulled up only enough to make me feel like I am giving away a secret no one should see. The wall is cold against my skin, and it makes the warmth in my body harder to ignore. My anklet moves softly when my legs open more than they should, and even that tiny sound feels like it belongs to this moment alone. I imagine being held there and kept open, hidden and shown at the same time, and my legs start to feel weak the longer I hold myself still. My fingers would search for something to hold, maybe the wall, maybe my own clothes, just to keep myself from moving while the thought takes over. My breath would grow fast in my own ears, and I would bite my lip to stop the sound from escaping. The longer I stay in this thought, the more it feels like I am already being taken without a touch, and the room feels smaller as the secret fills all of me. I don’t say this to anyone because it feels too close to the center of me, so I leave it here, letting it live longer on this page than it ever could inside my body. If you want to see the face behind these nights, and the friends who share my hidden world, I left a part of myself waiting for you.